A couple of days ago I lost my voice. I never realized just how much I actually talked until this happened. I'm sure you've had the same experience. At first you are squeaking out a few words like an adolescent boy going through puberty and then you are desperately trying to whisper as loudly as you can so that the person listening can hear you. By the way, both stages are agonizingly painful for the person listening. Thought you should know just in case.
The thing that stood out to me most during the time that my voice was fried, was how much I fill silence with words that are pretty meaningless. If there is ever a lull in the conversation, there is tension for me to fill it with...something. Anything really but definitely don't let there be ANY silence. There were moments where I felt that tension. I mean I really lived in the tension of not being able to say something. I wanted desperately to fill that void but was unable to because that ability had been taken away.
After my anxiousness of those moments was spent, I actually felt a sense of comfort. Comfort in not having to say anything. It was understood that I couldn't talk and so there was no expectation of me (mostly self imposed) filling the silence. When that happened, I was able to live in the moment. I was able to actually listen to others more carefully and let them express themselves more fully. I also found myself listening to God more.
Which, by the way, is a pretty enigmatic term isn't it? Was God audibly speaking to me? Did a bright light shine in the heavens? Did the clouds part? Did God channel His thoughts through my Calico cat? Thankfully, no. It was more that I allowed God to speak into my thoughts and into my heart. There were things that I had been praying about as far as direction for my life that God "spoke" into. All because I stopped talking and actually listened in the silence of the moment.
Are you facing a big decision right now? Are you having trouble with understanding what God is up to in your life? Look, I don't have an easy answer to whatever that may be but I do know that God sometimes will speak out of the silence that seems to be plaguing you. Psalm 62:1,2 states simply: "My soul waits in silence for God only." May I suggest that you find some time in silence this week or in the ones to come to listen to His voice?
I know that life is pretty demanding and loud most of the time. From the things that scream for our immediate attention to the noise of kids, family, and even our ipods. I am convinced that we often don't hear God when He is speaking because we are so distracted by these things. Take some time to listen in silence this week.
Matt
